“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.”
A lot of my blogs are about embracing our circumstances and loving ourselves, but over the past few years I’ve learned a little more about self love. I learned that sometimes loving ourselves means letting go of things that are are hurting us or holding us down.
I was in a relationship for seven years. I thought that I would marry that man. I loved him and his family. We invested so much time together. But as the years went on, the relationship started to sour. It didn’t mean that he was a bad person or that I was a bad person, we just weren’t the right people for each other.
I had to walk away. Letting go was hard–very hard. I had to let go of those marriage dreams and I had to distance myself from his family who I had grown to love.
And I’m a better person for it today. I’m a stronger person–a person who has grown and has learned that I can stand up on my own two feet. I’ve learned what being in love means. I’m careful to cherish my current relationship because I know any good relationship thrives on love and support. It goes both ways. I wouldn’t change the past or the person it has made me, but everyday I’m thankful that I walked away, so I could find the love I so desperately needed.
Letting go of those things doesn’t just mean relationships with significant others. It can mean friendships, too. This is a hard thing to write about because I believe that all people are worthy of love and friendship, but sometimes for our own well being we have to walk away–even if it is just for a time.
Staying in a bad situation, or more accurately, the wrong situation for you, is just as hurtful to the other person as it is to you. They may not think it at the time, but they are being cheated of a fulfilled life, just as you are by staying where you are not meant to be. If your friendships are insincere because you are drained and you have to force your support, that’s an instance where you need to walk away.
We need to realize that in those situations, the issue may not be with the other person. It may be with us. I’ve had times where it was hard to support certain friends because I felt that they always wanted me to be strong and it was hard. I didn’t feel strong. I felt like I was being drained with every conversation because they wanted to be uplifted in a way that I couldn’t. It wasn’t their fault. They were reaching out for help.
And it wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t able to give it. I had to know enough to step away long enough to work on myself. I needed to refill my cup before I could pour my love onto others. I was open and I told them that I loved them, but I just needed to work on myself.
And you know what happened?
My friend stepped up to the plate and started supporting me. That friend not only let me have space to work on myself, but she also put her energy into supporting me through texts and kind words. That’s how friendships work. Just like with a significant other, friendship goes both ways.
It won’t always work out that way. Some friends won’t always understand when you tell them that you need to work on yourself or that you need uplifting. As hard as it may be to hear, those are the friendships that you should be distancing yourself from. Those are the times when you should be standing up for yourself and leaving. If a friendship or relationship is one sided or if it hurts you or if it’s just not right for you at the time, that is when you need to walk away.
And remember, do all these things in kindness, because even if those relationships or friendships are not meant for you, it is where someone else is meant to be. We are all deserving of love and friendships, but that doesn’t mean that we have to carry the world on our shoulders either.